Why hello, good friends and family! I did not hear you enter into this electronium parlor. This is Hadley Buckford-Westington, coming to you all from astride the world wide internexus. Though I detest all buttons, nobs and switches on a normal day, it does behoove me to have that useless heap of hobrot, Bamford, use his jiggerbox for something more productive, just this once. He’s taking this all down as I shout it, while sitting in my easy chair and snifting loads of brandy.
Attention! I have news! News of the greatest, best, and most rewarding sort. Read on, dear chaps, read on!
On behalf of the Buckford-Westington family, and our globe-spanning wealth and graciousness, I’d like to cordially invite you to join us on Saturday, May 17th, 2014, in a celebration of the full and monied life of our Great-Grand-Uncle, Phineas Charlington “Chucky” Buckford-Westington. Dear Old Uncle Chucky’s turning the big one-hundred-fourteen, and we’ll be there to fete him in the style most befitting one of his iron-lunged stature.
“But Hadly,” You are saying, if you’re anything like Bamford, hunched up in his corner, caked with Cheat-ohs. “May 17th, Two-Thousand-Fourteen?! That’s oh so far away! However shall I while the time till then!” Well never fear, dear reader, never fear. We shall be using this very space, carved out of God’s own protons and electrons, to bring you whole kaboodles of helpful and, dare I say it, titillating information on a regular basis between now and then. You’ll learn all about the history of Dear Old Uncle Chucky, including how he amassed a fortune that’s impressive even by our standards, who in the family is in and out of his will on a daily basis, and just why exactly none of us have seen him in, oh, must be…thirteen years now? Twenty? Who can keep track these days; he’s all the way over in the South Wing.
Click the little doodagummy on the side, there, to subscribe your electromail to this site, and you’ll have it! If you’d rather, we can also have Bamford hand-deliver the updates, right to your door, but he’s pretty obscenely out of shape so I’d say skip it.
In the meantime, have a looksee at the other details on our sitespace, including times, ticket prices, specifics of the party, and so much more! And if you happen to wind up on the page for Sideshow Theatre Company, while you’re at it, well, it happens. We took those lovable theatricians under our wing three years ago, and now they just pop up from time to time.
There, that should do it for the moment; stay tuned for more updates posthaste! You do tune in to these things, don’t you, Bamford? Like a ham radio? That’s what I’d always assumed…
More brandy, Bamford! Onwards! Stop typing, this second!